Somebody Tell Aunt Tillie We're Kidnapping Cupid by Christiana Miller

Author:Christiana Miller
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Christiana Miller

12

VALENTINE’S EVE—GUS

I backed away. “Rock? It will destroy both our worlds,” I said, putting an end table between me and him. “Mara will kill us.”

“Mara will understand. This is beyond a schoolboy crush, what you and I have. It’s love. Undying love. Immortal love. A love for the ages.” He dodged the end table and I ducked behind a chair.

“Snap out of it! This isn’t love! It’s unrequited lust.”

“Unrequited by whom? I know you think I’m hot,” he said, chasing me around the wing-backed chair.

I couldn’t deny it. I might not like him all that much, but the bastard was definitely sexy. “That doesn’t mean anything. Besides, you’re straight, remember?”

“Haven’t you heard? Bi is the new straight.” Paul said, as we circled the coffee table.

“What is going on with you? Have you ever even been with a guy before?”

“No, but I’m willing to learn. I promise you I’m a quick study.”

“No! Absolutely not. You can’t just switch teams like that. It’s against all the natural laws of the universe. Stay on your side of the hetero line, bucko.” I said, dodging his feint around the table.

Suddenly, I remembered that love spellcrafting I had done. But this was Paul. There’s no way Paul, of all people, could be the co-King of All Witches, ruling at my side. According to Mara, witchy stuff makes him break out in hives.

“When I fall in love, I fall in love with a person, not a gender,” he said, leaping over the coffee table.

“Stop! Think about what you’re doing!” I shouted as I jumped over the couch and hot-footed it to the kitchen. “Mara’s having your baby.”

He launched himself like a football player, dove into a roll over the couch and landed on his feet. “Come on! Just one kiss!”

I shot through the door, into the kitchen, looking around for something to stop him. I didn’t want to use something dangerous and permanent, like a knife, or a cast iron frying pan. Mara would kill me if I put him into the hospital.

And we didn’t have anything soft, like a pie in the face. With Mara’s sugar cravings on overdrive and her tendency to hoard chocolate when she thought I wasn’t looking, I didn’t dare make any high-calorie desserts.

I heard Paul slamming his way in through the kitchen door, so I grabbed the first thing at hand. When he pulled me in for a smooch, I smacked him with what turned out to be a container of Morton’s salt.

It exploded and salt flew everywhere.

When the cloud cleared, I noticed a half-naked, winged man taking shape on the floor, covered in salt.

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